Come Diwali season and suddenly, the shopaholic in me goes boom. My usual preoccupations (read: office work, kids’ homework and domestic housework) go flying out of my head and are replaced by lusty images and provocative scenes. There’s a gorgeous naked leather bag with just the right amount of oomph, mmm. There’s that unabashedly brazen gold bracelet, winking at me in flirtation. There’s a special offer dangling absolutely obscene amounts of discount rates in my face. And – oh, I go weak in the knees just to think of it – a georgette, pin-tucked, pre-pleated sari so seductive it could beat the G-string off a pole dancer.
It’s a splurge-orgy everywhere I look.
Thankfully for the Goddess who makes sure my bank account stays full (no I’m not talking about my boss though she probably does have a say in the matter too), I’m way too busy a being to actually go shopping. The only time you’ll see me at a shopping mall is either (a) when my kids put a gun to my head with a working mom’s guilt written all over it, (b) when there’s a movie on that I cannot afford to miss, or (c) when the cook hasn’t turned up and there’s no dinner. If none of the above apply, then the malls of the world can keep their parking woes, shoulder-to-shoulder weekend crowds and too-small, depression-inducing clothes sizes to themselves. I want nothing of them.
To cater to busybodies like me, though, there is a slowly growing list of websites that offer pretty decent deals and – come home to mama, baby – free home delivery. Which means, like a porn addict, I type secret codes into my Google browser when no one’s looking and stare through pages and pages of products in all shapes and sizes (yes, all sizes), comparing prices and colours, doing the currency conversion, rolling over the zoom feature with a lover’s caress, and burning up in fifty shades of lust.
My browser’s recent history window would then reveal – amongst tamer work-related research that requires Google’s SafeSearch feature to be turned off – a furtive peek at a ‘Jet Set Travel’ textured-leather tote by Michael Kors at www.net-a-porter.com; a pair of statement-making ‘16th Century Saxon Knife Inspired Earrings’ by Eina Ahluwalia on www.boticca.com; a maroon embroidered tulle plus-size Taillissime bra at www.rock.in; and a dark green sari with gold zardozi, aari and bead work on the border by Priyal Prakash on www.perniaspopupshop.com.
Admit it. That single-sentence paragraph left you breathless in more ways than one, now, didn’t it?
Diwali is still a few days away as I write this, and I’m already all lit up. May we all get the objects of our desire this month, and may the Goddess ensure the bank account’s health as well (why waste a wish? Ask for it all). Go on then. Have a bootylicious festive season.